I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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