sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
