you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
