Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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