I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize