She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
