That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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