I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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