so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
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I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
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College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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