I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
