So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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