My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
