I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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