the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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