Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just threw up on my dentist
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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