she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
