We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You're a waste of cheezeits
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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