On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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