FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
