where am i from again
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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