I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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