I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
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It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
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we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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