can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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