i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
