My room smells like vodka and shame
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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