sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Is Oprah even human
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.