Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
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She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
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I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off