I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.