last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
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My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
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WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.