Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.