I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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