I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
