Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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