i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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