Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
