the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
