All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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