$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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