I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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