after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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