Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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