We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
