So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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