he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
