you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
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Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
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I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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