Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
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