I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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