he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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