Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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