he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
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