Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize