I can't watch pbs sober anymore
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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