Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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