i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
