Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
