she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we're making bets on your personal life
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
