There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
