I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize