Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
