I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
