Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
