someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize