matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
