"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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