And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
