Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
