bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
