yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
