Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
