You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
