its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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